


Love is Colourblind

by tposing_sniper



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Abandonment, Character Death, Clones, Comfort/Angst, Denial of Feelings, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Enemies to Lovers, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Medic has anxiety, Mistaken Identity, My First Fanfic, Sharing a Bed, The Heavy does a fuckup, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, but they respawn, colourblindness, cross-faction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27543058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tposing_sniper/pseuds/tposing_sniper
Summary: With both teams being identical clones of each other, they are dependent on the color of their uniforms to tell them apart. But what happens when one of the mercs is colorblind? A major misunderstanding leading to death...or maybe something more.Inspired by the amazing sfm work of @itsthevioletqueen on Instagram. They've created 3 pieces so far, each of which I've weaved together to fit in this story. Definitely go check them out!Each chapter is around 1k words~
Relationships: BLU Medic/RED Heavy, Heavy/Medic (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 68





	1. Mistakes Were Made

Separated. Lost. Alone. 

All of Ludwig’s worst fears had come true.

He was new to this place. They all were. New map, new mission. They would be back home by the weekend, but until then the BLU team was at a disadvantage. Knowing this, it was agreed upon that they would stick together. As a Medic, Ludwig had no qualms with this. His place was with his teammates. Behind, beside, (never in front, mind you,) he was the life force that kept his teammates alive. In return, they protected him, dealing damage he reluctantly admitted he himself cannot quite match with his own needles. When him and a teammate worked together, wonders happened. Information was secured; payload pushed.

So why was he so  _ damn  _ alone? Where was his fucking team?

Desperately, haltingly, Ludwig made his way through winding corridors. So  _ damn _ lost. He considered calling out for his teammates, but fear clenched at his throat. Fear. Yes, the Medic was well and truly  _ afraid.  _ If the RED team found him, he would be torn to shreds in seconds. Or worse,  _ captured _ , and tortured for information until he begged for the Respawn’s sweet sting. To make matters worse, he had nothing to defend himself with. He was out of needles, and his medi-gun was useless without a partner. Sure he had a bone saw, but that could hardly be compared to  _ bullets. _

He carried on, gasping and ducking, trying to find a familiar landmark. Entering a room cautiously, Ludwig saw it was another dead end. He was just about to re-open the door, when he heard a thump. Ludwig spun around, bone saw flashing in the faint light. He stood, trembling. Was it just his beating heart, or...footsteps. Someone was approaching. “Oh fuck…” a hushed curse involuntarily slipped from his quaking lips. Ludwig lunged backwards, slapping a hand over his traitorous mouth as the footsteps drew nearer. His unused bone saw fell from his shaking grasp, skittering across the floor and out of sight.

Ludwig felt tears coming on as the dark door slowly creaked open.  _ Oh god, why am I so afraid to die?  _ Old shame blossomed as he cowered, back pressed against the wall, sliding down to the floor. Prone. Afraid.  _ Alone. _

He held out his arms in a feeble defense. “Please...don’t hurt me…” _ I don't want to die. You don’t understand what awaits me after death. It just takes one loose wire and I won’t respawn. Please…  _ The figure's broad shoulders proudly bore a red t-shirt. Ludwig’s fate was sealed. The Medic closed his eyes, and came as close as he could to praying. He waited for it to be over.

“Doktor? Why are you on floor? Is ok. Just Heavy.”

Ludwig peeked his eyes open, lowering his arms slightly.  _ Did I see him wrong? Is it my Heavy- _

_ No.  _

The Heavy that was crouched in front of him was RED, plain as day. In blatant juxtaposition to his shirt, his large hand was open, offered to Medic. A symbol of friendship, familiarity. The Heavy smiled, a little confused by the Medic’s hesitation. “Doktor?”

Ludwig tried to wrap his head over what was happening. He tried the most obvious explanation first. “S-Spy?”

The Heavy's eyes opened in surprise. “Oh, no! No Doktor. Am Heavy weapons guy. Sandvich?” A large sandwich unexpectedly dangling from the Heavy’s hand. 

“Ah...no danke.”  _ What on Earth? He has a sandvich, which means it really is the enemy Heavy! So why, why- _

Large hands were suddenly grabbing him. Ludwig shouted in alarm as the Heavy gently lifted him to his feet. Fear threatened to take over and react instinctively. Ludwig fought to remain in control of his terrified heart. Shuddering breaths shook his body as he looked up at the RED Heavy.

The strong man nodded in satisfaction. His large arm was still around the Medic’s shoulders. “There. Much better. We should go back to base, Doktor.”

“I’d love to, but…” Ludwig trailed off, panicked brain fresh out of excuses.  _ How can I refuse him? The only way I’m safe is if he thinks I’m his Medic. But why? Why does he...can he not see colours?  _ Ludwig knew that there had been rumors of how RED’s Heavy didn’t distinguish from his own and BLU’s teammates. It had been written off as bloodlust, but the man seemed perfectly calm right now. Ludwig gulped nervously, and nodded. “Erhm, right. Lead the way, my...friend.” Too late, he remembered his bone saw. It had clattered into the shadows, gone. He was completely unarmed. Maybe he could try bashing in the Heavy's head with his medi-gun, but knowing his luck it would probably just grow back the bald man’s hair or something.

“Very good! Follow close, is easy to get lost in new place.”

Ludwig’s shoulders sagged. “Ja, I’m...duly aware.” He relaxed slightly as he was finally released from the Heavy's friendly embrace, but anxiety still tensed his muscles.

The Heavy confidently made his way through the rooms. Ludwig stuck close, not daring to run off. The Heavy’s gun seemed to wink at him as it caught pockets of light through the old buildings. Ludwig shuddered, looking away. As he followed the large man, Ludwig was surprised by how well the RED Heavy knew the map. Heavies always seemed...very simple. Not ones for memorizing complex storage facility layouts. “Um, so…” Ludwig’s voice quavered as he attempted to make conversation. Gritting his teeth, he tried to calm himself.  _ I need to act more confident! I’m his Medic now! God, how does Spy  _ do _ this?  _ “Did you, ahem, _ we _ , win? Get the information?”

The Heavy laughed. “Yes! Was good battle! BLU team is babies! We did team wipe, I think.”

“Indeed…” Grimacing behind the Heavy’s back, Ludwig decided to opt for silence. His team had failed, badly. He wasn’t there to heal them.  _ Shit… _ Guilt nagged at him. If only he hadn't panicked when he saw the RED Pyro coming after him. Hadn’t ran, ending up confused and winded in the lonely passages. His teammates hadn’t abandoned him. Ludwig gripped the side of his head in despair. He had abandoned  _ them _ . And now he was walking with an enemy, back to their base. He hoped his death would be quick. Merciful. Target practice for the RED Sniper, perhaps.

“Doktor, you ok? Seem sad.” The Heavy’s voice was softer than Medic had ever heard before. Concerned. For him.  _ Fuck.  _

“Ahaha!” Medic laughed nervously, quickly dropping his hand. “Sad? No no. Just, disappointed I, er, got lost, that is all!” 

The Heavy’s solid shoulder pat shook Ludwig to his core. “No worries Doktor! Heavy found you!” His laugh was intended to be kind, but in Ludwig’s situation it seemed as if God was taunting him. 

“Aha, ja, you did…” Ludwig's weak laugh faded. His initial fear had started to fade, being replaced with hopelessness. What could he do now? He had no weapon, no clue how to get home. If he ran now, he’d get hunted down like a hound by the RED team. Slowly, he walked towards his death, every inch the coward he so despised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter! This is my first ever fic I'm publishing, so I'm very excited and nervous to see how it will be received~ 
> 
> If you're interested in TF2 digital art, I also have an Instagram account called @tposing_sniper ^-^


	2. An Unexpected Invitation

The RED base loomed over Ludwig. Thankfully there didn’t seem to be any RED mercs around. They must be deeper inside. Faint hope tingled in the Medic’s brain. The Heavy was...he could be manipulated. Perhaps, with the RED Heavy’s help, Ludwig could escape. Preferably with a map.

“Here we are! Heavy wants a drink. Dokter want to join?” The Heavy looked at Ludwig hopefully. 

_ The RED Medic drinks with the rest of the crew? I...don’t. I guess I need to play along.  _ Ludwig attempted what he thought was a grin. “Sure. Although...I’m kind of tired, I, ah, don’t suppose we could drink somewhere quieter then the common room?” _ Was that too awkward, suggesting we drink alone? Is this something the RED Medic would do? I need to try to stay as inconspicuous as possible, for as long as possible. I also can't let anyone else on the RED team see me. _

The Heavy’s smile grew larger. “Of course, Doktor! Heavy does not mind. Heavy will get drinks. Where to meet?”

“Er…” Ludwig didn’t have a clue where to go.  _ Perhaps...Heavy’s room would be safe. But would it be uncharacteristic to ask? _ Beads of sweat started to drip down his neck as the Heavy looked at him expectantly. “Would, would you mind if...we, uhm, we…”  _ You're stuttering like an idiot! Just ask him. He doesn’t suspect anything. You’re fine! Fuck! _

The Heavy tilted his head. “We…?” He prompted.

“We, ah, drank in y-your room? That way it’s guaranteed to be quiet, you see.” Ludwig gulped, waiting for the Heavy’s reaction. To his relief, the Heavy was nodding.

“Doktor need place to rest. Away from work. Heavy understand. Is ok with him.” From the gleeful look in his eyes, the Heavy seemed a little more than ‘ok’ with it.

_ He seems pleased _ .  _ I wonder if he gets lonely...he’s a very quiet man when not on the battlefield. That is,  _ Ludwig caught himself.  _ The BLU Heavy, Misha, is. Keeps to himself. The RED Heavy seems much more...sociable. Odd. _

_Never mind_ _ that!  _ Giving himself a mental shake, Ludwig tried to refocus.  _ I’ll hide in the Heavy’s room. I can get the Heavy drunk, and look around his room for a map. Then I’ll escape. It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.  _

A faint pang of guilt struck him at the thought of taking advantage of the Heavy. It felt dirty, planning to use alcohol. But what choice did Ludwig have? 

A voice in his head taunted him.  _ Coward _ .

And Ludwig listened to the voice. He was a coward. And he was either going to hide or die like one. He looked at the Heavy.

“Would you mind leading me to your room? I’m afraid I don’t quite remember where it is.”

The Heavy chuckled. “Doktor gets lost like beheaded chicken.”

“D-danke?”

“Heavy will take you to room, then get drinks. And map for Doktor.” The Heavy gave Ludwig a teasing smirk.

“Oh! Danke! A map would be very helpful, ja.” Finally, something good. He was getting a map. Thank god. Ludwig looked at the Heavy in relief.

“Come. I take quiet route for Doktor. Is ok?”

“Ja ja, excellent.”

Then suddenly, he was inside of the RED base. While the Heavy had provided temporary distraction, Ludwig was once again struck by how deep in shit he was. The red walls and tattered floor seemed to close in on him as he walked close behind the Heavy. He felt his heartbeat in his throat, pounding so loud that it drowned out the Heavy’s cheerful humming.

This was not where he belonged. He was in the enemy’s base. Teammates nowhere near. He was, painfully, achingly,  _ alone.  _

Ludwig's exposed skin on his neck seemed to prickle. Who says that the RED Spy wasn’t cloaked and watching him, just biding his time? Was that the glare of an old lantern in his eyes, or the pinpoint of a Sniper’s scope? Was this all a ruse? Did the Heavy in front of him (if it was indeed a Heavy, it  _ could  _ be the RED Spy) actually know who he was? 

His thoughts ran and ran, until Ludwig couldn’t handle it anymore. “Heavy.”

“You can call Heavy Fyodor, if want.”

The unexpected reply caused Ludwig to pause as he processed it. He shook his head, then re-adjusted his glasses. “Fyodor. Right. Oh, that’s a nice name actually.”  _ FUCKING Focus! Now is NOT the time! _

To Ludwig’s surprise, there was a faint tinge of red across the Heavy’s cheeks. The large man muttered. “Many thanks.”, clearly embarrassed.

_ Red cheeks. Red. RIGHT _ !

“Ok! Fyodor. What colour are my gloves?”

Fyodor frowned a little. “Red? Doktor knows Heavy can not see colours.”

_ Doctor does now.  _ Ludwig thought with giddy relief.  _ I was right! He can’t see colours! Ok, good! This isn’t a setup. Just a huge misunderstanding.  _

“Ah, that is right. Sorry, lately I’ve been so forgetful...I was just thinking, they seem a bit dirty. Perhaps I ought to take them off.”  _ If I can hide my blue gloves and tie, then maybe...my coat is also tinged with blue though! Curses! _

“Once in Heavy’s room, Doktor can wash. If want.” Yep, Fyodor was definitely blushing, almost as deep as his shirt. 

He didn’t tell Ludwig to fuck off though, as the BLU Spy did when Medic caused a similar effect… God, Ludwig would never flirt with the Spy again if he could get out of this mess. And that was saying something. Flirting with the Spy was almost as exhilarating as open heart surgery. And Ludwig fucking loved open heart surgery.

He didn’t love the Spy though. Not really. He loved the playing, the banter, the back and forth that ended either with the kiss of a blade, or just a kiss. The buildup was so much more enjoyable then the end result. It’s not that the Spy wasn’t charming, he just wasn’t Ludwig’s type. What was Ludwig’s type?  _ Someone with a big heart _ . Ludwig had to fight back an audible laugh at his own pun.  _ God, telling myself jokes? How pathetic. The Spy would get a kick out of this.  _

“We are here. Come in.” Fyodor’s deep voice startled Ludwig from his musing. He peered over the Heavy’s broad shoulder into the open doorway.

Fyodor’s room had simple furnishings. The oddest thing in the room was a small, roughly child-sized bed. It was empty. Striding over, Fyodor carefully took his gun off. Placing it onto the bed, he lovely tucked it in. With one last pat, he turned back to Ludwig.

“Make yourself home. Heavy will be back soon. Do not disturb Oksana.” 

Ludwig nodded. “I won’t. See you soon.”

As Fyodor left, the Medic felt his insides turn.  _ What if he comes across the  _ real  _ RED Medic? They’ll come here, guns blazing. Oh god. Oh god. I hope he doesn’t. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuuuuuck.  _

Each minute that Fyodor was gone felt agonizing. Time dragged, just like Ludwig’s feet as he paced the room.  _ Stay calm. Stay calm. He’s just getting drinks and a map. He’ll be back soon.  _

_ I hope. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Oksana is the Heavy's name for the Brass Beast. Did you know he has different names for each gun? It's really cute lol 
> 
> The name Fyodor comes from me, not any TF2 official lore~ I decided that the BLU Heavy's name was going to be the canon name Misha, so I needed a different name for the RED one.


	3. Different Teams, Same Language

Fyodor’s room didn't have any clocks. It did, however, have three spider webs, four noticeable cracks in the wall, seven discarded sandwich crusts, and at least twelve mothballs. Ludwig felt himself going mad as he started to count the wood grains of the wall. Just to do  _ something _ , something other than wait.  _ What was taking Fyodor so long? He must have found the real RED Medic by now.  _ Ludwig was screwed. Of course he was.  _ Of course this stupid plan wasn’t going to work! I’m  _ royally _ fucked _ .

Gripping the side of his head again, Ludwig felt the tell-tale throb of approaching tears.  _ What am DOING here? I just want to go home... Goddamnit, haven't the BLU team realized I’m missing?  _ Despair filled Ludwig’s heart as he considered that they might have realized, and just didn’t care. Or worse, they were _ happy  _ about it. Ludwig wasn’t exactly the most popular merc...but surely at  _ least _ the Engineer was worried about him. 

Ludwig’s throat started to convulse in choking breaths. Desperately, he loosened and tore off his accursed tie. His traitorous gloves came off next. The blasted blue things, marking him for death. That was when Fyodor opened the door and saw the Medic panting, face flushed, and clearly in emotional distress.

“Ah...Heavy is sorry took so long. Is Doktor ok?”

Ludwig jerked his head towards the door. The Heavy was alone, a large case of beers under one arm, and some papers under the other. Relief made his knees weak and head dizzy. “Ja. Ja. I’m..fine.”  _ I’m fine. I’m safe right now. Whew. _

Heavy looked a little dubious, but he nodded. Placing down his load on a wooden table, he gestured to one of the empty chairs next to it. “Please.”

Ludwig sat unsteadily. “Danke.” Taking a beer, he found his hands were shaking too much to open it.

“Here.” Fyodor's large warm hand was on top of Ludwig’s. “Heavy can do it.”

Nodding, Ludwig allowed Fyodor to take the bottle from his hands. He watched as the large man expertly popped off the tab. The bottle hissed at Ludwig as Fyodor passed it back. “D-danke. Again.”

Taking a gulp of the amber liquid, Ludwig felt his insides start to warm. Quicker then he normally would, he took another swallow. The fizzy drink provided some much needed relaxation. Ludwig let out a small sigh, closing his eyes as he imagined himself drinking in the BLU common room. God, he wished he was there.

He opened his eyes to find Fyodor watching him. The Heavy had not yet taken a drink of his own bottle.  _ Right. Act normal.  _ “This is very good. I was worried that the Demoman drank all the good stuff.”

“Heh.” Fyodor took a swig, smacking his lips. “Heavy has secret hiding spot. Not for Demoman.”

“Ah...interesting.” Ludwig took another gulp.  _ I need to slow down. I’m supposed to be getting Fyodor drunk, not the other way around. _

“Doktor…” Fyodor's gruff voice was lowered. “You are...different. Sad. Stressed. Why? Heavy help.”

_ Shit. Shit shit shit FUCK!  _ Ludwig faked a laugh. “O-oh, whatever do you mean? I’m fine, quite fine. Just a tad tired, is all.”

The Heavy tilted his head. “Is all? No.” Foyodor grimaced. He muttered to himself “<If only I could find the right words in English to explain myself. Why must this be so darn difficult?>”

“Russian?” The word slipped out before Ludwig could stop himself. Why was he surprised? The Heavy was obviously Russian. He’d just...never heard him actually speak Russian before. That is, the BLU Heavy never spoke it.

“Yes. Sorry. Heavy will speak English.”

“<If you’d like to speak Russian, that's fine with me.>” Inwardly, Ludwig knew it was a mistake, revealing his knowledge of Russian. It meant the conversation would not be as limited, and Fyodor may push harder to find out what was wrong with him. However, Ludwig was too intrigued to  _ not  _ do it. This was the most he’d ever heard a Heavy speak.

Fyodor's eyes were wide, and his mouth wider. He looked at Ludwig, slack-jawed in utter shock. “<You can speak Russian?>”

“<Yep. Learned it in my youth.>”

Fyodor slapped his forehead in amazement, laughing. “<I can’t believe it! Why didn’t you tell me?>”

Ludwig shrugged. “<You never asked.>” He quipped back. His nervousness had vanished, along with his beer. He took out another one from the box. “<Mind opening this for me?>”

“<Of course. But, see, this is what I was trying to say in English.>” Fyodor’s expression sobered as he looked at the Medic. “<You are behaving unusually. You seem very stressed about something. When I found you in that room, you were... _ scared _ . I’ve never seen you scared before. It was unnerving. And even now, requesting to drink alone, avoid others...Would you like to talk to me about whatever's bothering you? You know I won’t tell anyone.” Fyodor's mouth lifted in a smirk as he said those last words, but his eyes remained concerned and serious.

Wordlessly, Ludwig took the opened bottle from Fyodor. He didn’t drink from it, and instead watched the liquid swirl and sparkle as it caught the light.  _ The Heavy is...a lot sharper than I thought. Hmm. _

“<Tell you the truth...I’m a mess, Fyodor. I’m a coward and a fool. I...got involved in something way over my head, and I don’t know how to get out of it. I just…>” Ludwig’s voice faded off. Sighing, he drained about half of the bottle. “<I just need a goddamn drink. Ya know? Thank you for, for, giving me that. Lettin’ me use your room and all.>”

Fyodor took a sip from his own bottle. “<I see. I have no qualms with sharing my room. You clearly need a break. But, Doctor,->”

“Ludwig.” The doctor interrupted.

“<Ludwig. Ludwig?>”

_ FUCK FUCK FUCK WHOOPS THAT IS NOT THE RED MEDIC’S NAME. _

__ “<I thought...I must have misheard initially. My bad. Anyway,  _ Ludwig _ , you are not a coward, nor a fool. You may feel overwhelmed right now, but trust me when I say you are easily the smartest among us. You can do whatever you need to do.>”

“<No, I can’t.>” Ludwig groaned. “<You, you don’t  _ really _ know me. I’m, I’m a blasted  _ coward _ . I can’t do what needs to be done. I abandon my teammates. I, I’m a failure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, I'm straying from canon Medic a lot lol, with him being much less confident and now speaking Russian. I hope y'all don't mind too much :') I had to make him nervous and less bloodlust-y for the story to follow the inspiration pictures~


	4. I think I'll slam my head into the table now

A fist was slammed into the table, jarring Ludwig who had begun to use it as support as the alcohol hit him. Fyodor's eyes were dark and intense. Ludwig avoided them. The Heavy’s voice was thick with anger, but it still remained low. “<You are wrong. You are not a coward. You are not a failure. I know you, Ludwig. I do. I’ve fought countless battles with you. You are a good man, a strong man. It's ok to feel lost, but do not lie to me, and especially not to yourself!>”

“<Fyodor…>” The alcohol made Ludwig feel open., Exposed. He put his empty bottle next to the other one, carefully trying not to make them touch. Nothing worse than the sound of glass clinking… “<I, uh, that's not true. How could you know me…?>” Ludwig trailed off. Despite his tipsy state, he knew he could not, would not, reveal his true colours (haha). He must remain vague. He must hide, hide in this mask of his own face.  _ Fyodor...you, you know the RED Medic. He ain’t me. _

“<Doctor…>” Ludwig glanced up in surprise at the hurt in Fyodor's voice. Their eyes finally met. <Doctor, I...I’d like to think I know you. I...In fact, there's something I’ve been meaning to ask you. But I’m not sure that this is the time. It would...burden you further.”

“I mean...Fyodor, you've, you've been good to me. You…”  _ dragged me into the enemy base. Basically sealed my fate. Probably taken years off my life with all the stress your dumb eyes have caused. Can’t see colours, eh? Then you’ll definitely notice how grey my hair has become because of this stupid mistake-  _ Ludwig tried to shut his internal dialogue off. He needed to focus, which would prove difficult, judging by the half-drank third bottle in his hands. When did that happen? “You, ah, you've saved me from a quick death. Right. Gave me, place to rest. An’ a map, you said? See, all tha’ in one day. You can, can ask me anythin’. S’all good.”

“<Well...ah, you're getting drunk. It doesn't seem right.>”

“Get drunk wi’ me then.” For the first time, Ludwig gave Fyodor a genuine smile. It was slanting, somewhere between a grin and a smirk. Ludwig felt...buzzed. If he could just hold off, follow the plan...or he could get drunk with the Heavy.  _ Enjoy the night. One last...meal? Before I die. Hell, even Jesus threw a party before the guards came to kill him.  _

_ I want to enjoy this. God, the RED Heavy, he doesn't seem so bad after all. Seems rather concerned ‘bout me. What a nice chap. Wonder what he wants to ask me ‘bout.  _

Fyodor gave a relenting smile. “Ok. Heavy deserves break as well.”

_ Oops _ . Ludwig chuckled as he swallowed more happy juice.  _ Suppose I went back to English.  _ “<Great...sweet.> Ja. Aha. You kno’, I aven’t been drunk in…” Ludwig let out a low whistle, trying to remember. “Uh…”

Fyodor's large hand nearly completely covered his bottle as he topped it back. He let out a satisfied sigh and grinned at Ludwig. “<Listening to you switching between Russian and English is almost painful. You can just speak English if you'd prefer.>”

“Heh. Sorry. Just...yea. Mm..right, drink up so you can, can ask me whatever. You’re…” Ludwig squinted up at Fyodor's large frame. Yeah, there was no way he was out drinking the Heavy. Ludwig was a lightweight, and Fyodor most definitely was not. 

The large man chuckled, and downed his beer easily. “<You better slow down, or by the time I’m drunk you'll be passed out.”

“Hey, uh..maybe but…” Ludwigs thoughts were becoming jumbled. It became most difficult to form complete sentences. Going from rapid-fire fear fuelled thoughts to the warm haze he was in now felt a little odd, but Ludwig was happy about it. He wasn’t afraid anymore. If he dies, he’ll respawn. The chances of the machine breaking were so slim anyway. His earlier paranoia seemed silly now. And hell, even if he did die for real, and got sent to Hell, he could get out of there. There's always a way out.  _ Like now… _

“Man....I gotta get ou’ of ‘ere.”

“Hmm?” Fyodor was beginning to feel tipsy as well. He frowned slightly. “<What do you mean?>

“Jus’, uh, yaknow…”

“<I really don’t.>” Fyodor started to chuckle, despite himself. Ludwig joined in. Soon the room was filled with intoxicated laughter.

“Hoo…” Ludwig giggled, wiping a tear from his eye. “You, you really don’t! Ahahaha...I, I, I’d love to tell ya, but-t-t it’s, it’s a secret.” Ludwig gave Fyodor a mischievous grin.

“Ahh…<I have a secret too.>”

“Oh?” Ludwig looked at Fyodor, intrigued. He went to place another one of the empty bottles (that keep appearing in his hands for some reason) onto the table. He missed, his whole drunken body falling forwards.

Instead of hardwood, his chin was cushioned by warm flesh. Looking through crooked glasses, Ludwig made out the blurry image of Fyodor’s chest. Gently, the hand guided his head back upright. Still cupping his face, Fyodor smiled at Ludwig. What a beautiful, kind smile it was. Affection seemed to bloom from Ludwig's chest as he admired the man in front of him.  _ He caught me. He’s...lovely. And so...comfy... _

“<Careful there. You nearly->” Fyodor cut off, eyes widening, as Ludwig hugged his forearm. Ludwig leaned in deeply, enjoying the warmth and softness of the Heavy's arm. Sleepily, he nuzzled his support beam.

\------

Ludwig's eyes were closed, which Fyodor was grateful for. That way the Medic didn't see how deeply he was blushing. He sat there speechless for a long time, until the Medic’s soft snore startled him. 

Careful, he placed Ludwig's head onto the table. Getting up was a tad difficult, but Fyodor managed it. Stumbling a little, he walked over to Medics side. Slowly, with all the care in the world to not disturb him, Fyodor lifted Ludwig off his chair. Black hair nestled in the crook of his arm, Fyodor cradled the Medic. He was lighter than the Heavy had imagined. Walking to his bed, he placed Ludwig down into the soft sheets. Getting in next to him, careful not to touch him, Fyodor flicked the lights off. As the room dimmed and the stars came out, he laid awake, watching the moonlit form of Ludwig rise and fall. When he finally started to fade away, Fyodor whispered his secret.

“<I love you, Doctor.>”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing drunken speech is fun hehe
> 
> Can you tell I haven't prepared any chapter names? While writing the fic I completely forgot about chapter titles for some reason XD


	5. The truth was like a slap to the face

_ This pillow is really soft.  _ Ludwig felt it shift a little. He groaned in complaint, snuggling closer.  _ Wait, what?  _

Opening his eyes, a field of red filled his blurry vision. A hesitant voice greeted him. “Morning, Doktor. Heavy did not mean to wake you.”

Scrambling backwards off of the Heavy’s chest, Ludwig's eyes darted around the unfamiliar room in panic. His body shook as his chest tightened, breaths coming in short bursts. “Wha, where am I, what the hell, I, who-“ 

“Doktor! Calm down. Is ok. Just Fyodor. Remember?”

_ Fyodor… _ Slowly the events of yesterday came back to him. He was in the RED base. The Heavy was colourblind. Ludwig let out a long breath, trying to compose himself. His chest hurt. So did his head.  _ That’s right, we were drinking...what the hell am I doing in his bed though? Lying on his chest? We didn’t...no…we couldn’t have... _

Ludwig looked at Fyodor, uncertain but dreading certainty. “We didn’t…do anything, c-correct..?”

Fyodor started. “Oh, oh no! No no. Nothing. <You passed out, that’s all. I couldn’t let you sleep on the floor.>”

“<I see. Um. Thank you. Man…>” Ludwig rubbed his head. It really hurt, sending throbs of pain down his whole body. His throat felt dry and hoarse as well. “<Do, do you have any water? Just something to, ya know...and where are my glasses?>”

“<Here's your glasses. I’m afraid I don’t have anything here other than alcohol, but we can go down to the kitchen to get something for you to drink.>”

_ Oh shit.  _ No we can’t!  _ I can’t. I can’t. I fucked up. Oh shit I fucked up. I’m, I’m fucking trapped. My plan...it’s all fucked up. How, god, why? Why am I so fucking stupid? Now what the hell am I supposed to do? They’re going to kill me. I can’t hide in this godforsaken room forever.  _

“<Ludwig? I...I can go get the water if you want. Are you alright? Can I get you anything else?>”

Ludwig suddenly realized his face was wet. He was crying.  _ Goddamn it. Why can’t I do anything right?  _ It was just the stress, the pain, the fear...it was too much. Ludwig’s body shook with silent sobs. The alcohol had provided a brief respite, but at what cost? Everything felt ten times as horrible now.

“<Ludwig…>” a soft hand was on his shoulder, paired with an even softer voice. “<Hey. It’s ok. Whatever you’re dealing with, I’m here to help. We all are. I know you’ve been avoiding the team, but I think it would do you some good to talk with them. To remind you that you don’t need to face your problems alone.>”

If Ludwig wasn’t crying, he would have almost found the irony funny. Right now, it was cruel. 

“You're going to kill me.” Ludwig’s voice was flat, matter-of-fact. He wiped his face, tired of lying. He couldn’t fight anymore. He couldn’t pretend that his anxiety and fear wasn’t tearing him apart. He didn’t want to die, but to continue this masquerade, to receive all this undeserved kindness from a mistaken man, it was its own hell. Perhaps the real Hell would be kinder. At least then he wouldn’t wake up in the arms of a man he desperately wished wasn’t an enemy. 

And that's the truth. He didn’t see Fyodor as an enemy anymore. Sure he had dragged him into this mess, but at the same time was kinder in the short time they had been together then his own team had been in years. Ludwig hadn’t realized how touched-starved he was…

Fyodor, dear  _ soft  _ Fyodor, looked at Ludwig like he sprouted wings. “<What do you mean? Why would I kill you?>”

“<Because we’re enemies. I’m...I’m the BLU Medic, Fyodor. That’s why I’ve been so stressed, and hiding from your team...I didn’t want to die…>” Ludwig started choking up again. Holding a bare hand across his chest, he felt his heartbeat. It was good to be alive. To feel the thumping of life one last time. “But if I am to die, I...want you to do it. I know you’ll be merciful and quick. I’m sorry for deceiving you. Thank you for your kindness.” Ludwig lowered his head. Tears swam in his eyes as he stared into the sheets. He closed his eyes and waited for it to be over. 

When death didn’t come, he lifted his head. Fyodor was standing in the middle of the room, holding his blue gloves and tie. The large man looked...stunned. Slowly he turned the material over, rubbing it with large fingers. Sensing Ludwig’s eyes on him, he looked up.

“<I...really can’t tell. I’m...a fool. I...I’m sorry. I brought you to your death. This...isn’t what I wanted, I never wanted to-!>” Closing his eyes, Fyodor slammed his fist onto the table, and with a loud crack and the shattering of glass, the table collapsed. Ludwig flinched violently at the sound, wrenching his neck and aggravating his headache further. The Heavy looked down at the destruction he’d caused, fists shaking with anger. “Come with Heavy.”

Rubbing his aching neck, Ludwig grimaced. “W-where are we going?” A faint glimmer of hope stirred in his heart. Could it be that Fyodor would help him escape?

Fyodor’s response made his blood run cold. “<To  _ my _ Medic.>” The gruff voice was thick with anger and hurt. Ludwig could only imagine the emotions the Heavy must have been going through. It couldn’t have been easy, to suddenly realize you shared a bed with a sworn enemy.

_ Goddamn it, stop feeling sorry for him! He made the foolish decision on his own. You certainly didn’t put yourself in his bed. Or his warm embrace... _

“HEAVY SAID COME!” There was a sudden explosion of pain as a rough hand slapped him across his face. His glasses flew off and Ludwig was driven into the ground. He laid there, prone and moaning as his body screamed at him. His vision flickered as Ludwig tried to stay conscious. Dragging a flimsy hand across the rough grain, he attempted to sit up. Blood splattered from his nose as he dislodged it from the floor. Something was in his mouth, wet and tangy. Unlocking his jaw, he gasped in surprise as a thick wave of blood poured from it. As the blood ran through his teeth, Ludwig, dazed, looked up at Fyodor. He was nothing but a blurry haze.  _ Good.  _ He thought through the pain.  _ Fucking kill me _ . The pain quickly becoming too much for him, Ludwig passed out for real. His chin slammed into the hardwood floor, sending out yet another spray of crimson. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hghhh come get y'all angst
> 
> also idk if its clear or not but Ludwig remembers everything that happened last night


	6. Baguettes and Blood

For the second time that day, Ludwig woke up with a throbbing pain in his head. Attempting to open his eye and failing, he realized that a thick cloth was tightly wrapped around his face. His arms were wrenched behind him, also tightly bound. Ludwig was trapped. His tongue weakly slid around, trying to form words. His mouth was sticky. It tasted of iron. Blood. Fyodor...the Heavy...had punched him. Or was it a slap? Ludwig didn’t remember. Rusty air was pushed through his throat, resulting in a profound “Erghhhhhh….fuck.”

“Indeed, mon amie.”

The silky French accent paired with the unmistakable stench of cigarettes sent shivers down Ludwig's spine. It's either the RED Spy, or the BLU Spy decided to go from asshole to straight-up evil. Knowing my luck...

“RED Spy. I wondered when...I would meet you.” Talking hurt. Each breath sent a wave of pain through his chest. A broken rib, perhaps? From a punch? The Heavy..that's scary.

“I suppose I would be in your mind, as you sauntered through your enemy's base.”

Ludwig let out a weak laugh. He was too fucked, and in too much pain to be afraid anymore. Fucking kill me. Instead, anger curled in his hurt belly. “Ja, well, I didn’t exactly saunter in. I’m just as displeased as you are.”

“Displeased? Oh non, non mon amie. I am not displeased at all. This will be...most rewarding.”

“And what's ‘this’, exac-” Ludwig cut himself off with a shuddering breath as the pain in his chest increased. Definitely a broken rib. “Gah…” Leaning forward, Ludwig felt wet drops hit his legs. Mostly likely from his lips. A weak cough filled the room with the sounds of warm splatter. If I can just...

“Easy.” Slender fingers, cold and hard, caressed his chin. Drawing his head upward, the Spy used his other hand to lightly stroke the full exposed length of Ludwig's neck. At the touch, Ludwig realized it was coated with warm slime. More blood? This is getting ridiculous. No wonder I feel like hell. The cold fabric of the Spy’s gloves caused the Medic to involuntarily swallow. The smoky breath got closer. “You’ll get blood on my suit. And we wouldn’t want you to die. At least, not right now.”

Despite the state he was in, Ludwig smirked. “You're running out of time, swinehound. I’ll die soon.”

“No, you won’t.” A crisp voice appeared, aching familiar. Him. Fuck. 

Ludwig felt the pain fade as he was restored with a faint hum. He sighed. Of course they bring in the RED Medic.

“Ryker. I can handle this.” The words dripped with French displeasure.

“No, you obviously can’t. He was impaling himself on his own rib, trying to die faster. You're lucky I’m here. He almost respawned.”

The Frenchman had no rebuttal. Ryker, the RED Medic, continued. “So, what's going on? I hear from the Engineer that the Heavy found the BLU Medic sneaking around?”

“Oui. Apparently he found him hiding in the halls. He knocked him out, and brought him to me.”

Fyodor lied. He lied so he wouldn't get in trouble, and just dumped me at the French bastard’s feet. Ludwig felt...more saddened than he expected. This...betrayal, although expected, hurt. It hurt a lot.

“Where is the Heavy now?”

“I sent him to go guard the main entrance. I want to make sure that there is no more BLU around.” 

Ryker hummed. “This doesn’t make sense. Why would they send a Medic, instead of a Spy?”

“I thought the same. I say we ask him.”

There was a blinding light as Ludwig’s blindfold was torn off. He hissed involuntarily, trying to turn his head away from the glare. Which was impossible, as the whole room was brightly lit.

“Time to open your eyes, mon amie.”

“Kill me.” Ludwig said in response. He opened his eyes fully, pinpoint pupils looking at the Spy intently. Fucking kill me. I’m so done. I’m so tired. I just want to go home. I should have respawned when I had the chance.

The RED Medic patted Ludwig on the cheek, chuckling. “Later. Right now, we would like some answers.”

“What would you like to know?”

Ludwig’s response surprised the two RED mercs. They exchanged a glance. The Spy stepped forwards. The Medic kept caressing Ludwig’s cheek. Ludwig fought the urge to bite him. He kept his blurry gaze on the Spy. 

“What are you doing here? Are you alone?”

Very. Very alone. Ludwig decided to answer honestly. “I’m alone. And, I never wanted to come here in the first place. Ask your Heavy.”

Ryker’s grip on Ludwig’s jaw tightened as he wrenched it to face him. “What do you mean?” His voice had gone dangerously lower.

Ludwig sighed. “Exactly what I said. I didn’t want to come here. Your Heavy forced me too. He thought...I was you.”

Ludwig’s jaw was released. He rotated it a bit, wincing as it popped. “Could I have my glasses back?”

Wordlessly, the Spy slid on Ludwig’s glasses. His masked face was shadowed with shock. The RED Medic was far less controlled. He was pacing, teeth gritted together and gloves hands clutching chunks of hair. Finally, he couldn't contain his rage. “That fucking Heavy! That STUPID FUCKING HEAVY! I knew it! I KNEW something FUCKING stupid would happen because of his FUCKING eyes!” Ryker punched the wall with each ‘fucking’. “GOD DAMN IT! Spy, come with me- we need to find the Heavy. Now.”

“What are you planning on doing?” The Spy was lighting a cigarette, trying to seem unbothered, but Ludwig saw the small beads of sweat forming on his exposed skin. 

“I’m going to fucking kill him. I swear to God. This is beyond a simple mistake. He brought an enemy into the heart of our base! We’re just lucky that it wasn’t the fucking Spy! We could all be dead right now, Respawn fucking sapped.” 

“I see. Can I just suggest you yell at him, instead of at me? I can collect the rest of the team. Perhaps some public humiliation will teach him. And, if you stop to think about it…” The RED Spy shot a glare at Ludwig. “He could be lying.”

Ryker's brow furrowed. “True. Although, how could he know about the Heavy's colour-blindness? Still...I will ask Fyodor then. Politely. Then, yell at him. Gather the rest of the team.”

The Spy nodded. Both men started to leave the room. Ludwig watched, an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He had betrayed Fyodor, like the Heavy had done to him. They were back to enemies, as they should be. So why did Ludwig feel so...regretful? He sighed as the RED’s left, not even acknowledging the man they had tied up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hon hon hon


	7. I don't think the RED Medic is happy

Sitting in the chair with not much to do, Ludwig let his mind wander. His ‘better half’ was...interesting. If the situations were different, Ludwig would have jumped in joy at the opportunity to study the other Medic. As his technical genetic clone, Ludwig was surprised by how different they were. It seemed that Ryker was the leader of the team- at least, in private, the Spy obeyed him. If Ludwig tried to do that with his Spy, he’d be used for Misha’s sandviches. The BLU Spy didn’t take advice kindly, much less orders.

I suppose it all really comes down to the different environments we were raised in. The DNA may be the same, but it ends there.

Anyway…

I should get out of here.

Ludwig waited for the fear to hit him. Nothing happened. He felt strangely calm. It was odd. Did I...have a mental breakdown this morning, and somehow come out the other end? So afraid I just...stopped?

Huh. Like when something is so hot it feels cold. Your nerves get overwhelmed. Ludwig didn’t recall learning about this in med school, but then again he had never graduated.

Well...Whatever the reason, I feel...more functional now. That’s good. I guess.

Time to escape. Plan B. Get the fuck out. Run in the opposite direction until I find my teammates.

And never think about Fyodor again.

With some wiggling and twisting, Ludwig determined that he was bound by rough cloth, similar to what was used on his face. All 4 limbs were tied to a wooden chair, and cloth was also wrapped around his chest.

It seems like I was tied up in a hurry. Jerking his body, Ludwig felt his bounds loosening. It was almost too easy.

“If you just sit still, I could cut you out quicker.”

A quiet mutter startled him. Freezing, Ludwig whispered back “Spy?”

“Shh. I’m not here. Never was.”

With an audible shik, Ludwig was free. He looked behind him to properly thank the BLU Spy, but the Frenchman had already cloaked and was presumably making a quick getaway.

“Nice of you to save me. Took you long enough. You couldn’t be bothered to get me a weapon though?” Ludwig muttered as he ducked out of the room. No response. He sighed. He would have even liked his medi-gun, but that was back in Fyodor’s room. They’ll probably take it apart for scraps...

Briskly walking through the red hallway, Ludwig tried to get his bearings. The hallway in front of him was brightly lit. Wunderbar. Hopefully an exit.

An exit it was. Joyfully Ludwig ran out of it, only to be stopped dead in his tracks by the scene in front of him.

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT. WHAT THE FUCK WHERE YOU THINKING? STUPID FUCKING FAT PEICE OF USELESS SHIT!”

Although Fyodor was much larger than Ryker, he cowered at the Medics' words.

“H-Heavy could not tell!”

“NOTHING TIPPED YOU OFF? SERIOUSLY? YOU COULDN’T TELL ONE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND THE FUCKING ENEMY?”

“Can tell difference now.” Fyodor muttered. He avoided Rykers gaze, instead landing on Ludwigs. His eyes widened visibly, catching Ryker’s attention. The RED Medic turned slightly.

“Oh. You escaped.” Ryker scowled. “And decided to come here. Fucking fool. Well, Fyodor” Rykers glare swung back to the Heavy. “Who's who? Who's the man that’s been killed countless times saving your fat ass, and who’s the fucker shooting at you?!”

Ludwig considered stepping in and explaining that shooting really wasn’t his thing. He didn’t consider it very long. It...was uncomfortable watching Ryker give Fyodor shit. The RED Medic was being unnecessarily cruel, yelling and insulting Fyodor. It wasn’t the Heavy’s fault he couldn’t see colour. The more Ludwig thought about it, the more his own insides boiled with anger. Ryker needs to learn to shut his fucking mouth. But...Fyodor hit me. Turned me in. Uncertainty filled Ludwig's head. That doesn’t matter! No one deserves to be berated like this, right? And… Ludwig glanced up at the large window above the base entrance. As he expected, the rest of the team was watching. Their Pyro waved at him. Fuck. This really fucking sucks.

At Fyodor’s lack of an answer, Ryker began yelling again, thrusting an angry finger at Ludwig’s direction. “THAT IS YOUR ENEMY. YOU DO NOT BRING YOUR ENEMY HOME. AND YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT BED HIM!” Ryker broke off, taking deep breaths. He quickly continued, a little quieter but still simmering with anger. “Just because I won’t fuck you doesn’t mean you go steal the oth-“

“ENOUGH! HEAVY HAS HAD ENOUGH! HEAVY HAS SAID SORRY!”

“Sorry won’t undo your thick-skulled mistake, now, will it? He-” Another jabbing finger in Ludwigs direction. “Is still here! Who knows what valuable information is gathered from this little vacation of his!”

“Ahem…” Ludwig stepped in between Ryker and Fyodor. “I believe you've made your point, Ryker. Yelling and carrying on like a small child will do nothing.” Ryker opened his mouth in wordless outrage, pure fury radiating off of him. “And” Ludwig continued before Ryker could say anything. “I’ve gained nothing of value from this little visit. You can kill me, or you can let me walk home. At this point I’m good with either option. Just...hurry up about it, for fuck’s sake.”

“” Fyodor's voice was hesitant. This whole time, Ludwig hadn't looked at Fyodor. He continued to not do so. I don’t want any more association with you. If they think you're telling me information...It won’t be good for either of us.

“”

…Why can’t you just fucking hate me like you’re suppose to? Why can’t I hate you? Fuck.

Ryker’s eyes were wide and furious. “What the fuck is he saying?” He demanded Ludwig.

Goddamn it Fyodor. Ludwig tried to look uninterested. “I don’t have a clue. If he's trying to apologize for what he's done to me…” I’m sorry, Fyodor. I’m so sorry. “I have no interest in hearing it.” Ludwig finished stiffly, hating every word that came out of his mouth.

Ryker scoffed. “Well. Anyway. That was a nice chat. Time to die.”

“Knew it would happen eventually. See you tomorr-” Ludwig’s remark was cut off as Ryker cut off his head.

\--------------------

Blood streaming from Ludwig’s bloody stump, Fyodor watched in horror as the BLU Medic’s dead face flew towards his own. Holding his hands up in defense, he shuddered violently as he was splattered in Ludwig’s blood. It was still warm. 

When Fyodor finally looked up, the rest of Ludwig was a bloody mulch. Ryker sat in the middle, laughing and swinging his gore-splattered saw around. The RED Medic was almost covered in as much blood as the BLU. His eyes were pinpoints, barely visible, but Fyodor saw them. He saw everything. And, as he watched in horror, realized something very painful. Choking back a sob, the Heavy looked away. He asked a question he didn’t want answered.

  
  
  
  


“Why Doktor not respawning?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp it looks like Ludwig was cut short
> 
> he must be beside himself
> 
> Next time he should really plan ahead
> 
> I'm sorry (for the puns, not the angst ;))


	8. Return

Ludwig sat in a simple room, tastefully furnished. His eyes slowly traced the dark furniture. He's seen this room before. 

Well, almost all of it. They'd changed the curtains.

Ludwig didn’t like the new colour. He looked away. His reflection met him in the mirror.

“Is it time to leave?”

Ludwig's heart grew heavy at the question. He liked the stillness here. 

There was a knock at the door. Ludwig’s reflection smiled. 

“They are calling for you.”

“They do that a lot.”

“And…?”

Ludwig got up with a sigh. “And I go to them.” He walked towards the door. He put a bare hand on the cool polished metal of the handle.

“Will...it always be like this?”

“We might change the curtains again.”

“No, I mean...will it be like this when I die for real?”

“Do not let your fear of death prevent you from living.”

Ludwig closed his eyes. “I’m going to burn in hell.”

“Perhaps. Or you may live forever.”

“Don’t know which one I’d hate more.” Opening his eyes, he opened the door. His world became a blinding white.

…

“You finally died, eh?”

The white focused, darkening. Ludwig was in another familiar room. The BLU Respawn room. The Sniper was leaning against the doorway, watching him with a wary expression. The Australian man scratched his stubble. “Where ya been, mate? We missed ya.”

“Ja, I..I got kidnapped by RED. Spy...the BLU Spy helped me escape, but their Medic...got me.” Ludwig grimaced at the memory.

“ _ Kidnapped _ you?” The Sniper’s eyes were wide in outrage. “Those bloody mongrels! Picking off th’ weakest- err, no offense, doc.”

“None taken. I’m...just glad to be back.” 

“Yea...I’ll go tell th’ rest of our pals you’re back, you go rest up.” The Sniper gave Ludwig a hearty shoulder pat as he walked by. The companionship felt good. It was good to be home. 

Ludwig couldn't help but stroke the blue walls as he passed them. Despite the rough stone against his fingers, part of him still couldn’t believe he was back. He longed to see more familiar faces, but the hallways leading to his room were empty. 

Entering his room, he was greeting with soft cooing. “Oh, Archimedes! Everyone! I’m so sorry, I didn’t feed you-” As Ludwig hastily grabbed the food packet and made his way to the large bird enclosure, he paused. The bag felt lighter than usual. Peering into the cage, amongst the birds gathering to greet him, he saw that their bowl was filled. Recently, too.

“Huh...Who's been feeding you?” Ludwig stuck a few fingers through, gently stroking the bird’s soft feathers. 

“I have. You're welcome.”

“Oh!” Ludwig turned, hand still in the birdcage. The BLU Spy was standing there, looking indifferent as usual. “Danke. And, danke for freeing me. For going to find me…”

“Don’t flatter yourself. Your distraction provided ample opportunity to steal the RED’s briefcase. Which I did.”

“Ah...that's good.”

“That wasn’t all I found, however.” Ludwig’s tie and gloves were in the Spy’s hand, neatly folded. “Care to explain how you lost these?”

“I, ah, took them off, to try and hid the fact I’m BLU.”

“In the Heavy's room?” The Spy smirked knowingly. 

A faint blush warmed Ludwig’s cheeks as he snatched back his accessories. “Nothing happened between us! I was just hiding in his room.”

“Overnight.”

“Look, that's not important. Just...forget it, ok? It's not like there can be anything between us…” Ludwig looked away, shoulders slumping in defeat.  _ Fyodor...I may never get to talk to you again.  _

The Spy was quiet. Ludwig looked up, and to his surprise the Spy’s eyes were filled with pity. 

Ludwig scowled. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine. I’m...loyal to the BLU team, I-”

“I have no doubts about your loyalties. I just...empathize. Sorry. I’ll be on my way now. Good to have you back, mon amie.” The Spy turned to leave. 

Ludwig stopped him. “Spy, wait. What do you mean, empathize? You don’t…” Ludwig trailed off as he saw the pain in the Spy’s eyes. “Ah..Spy…”

“Maxine.”

“Maxine?”

“My name.”

“O-oh!”  _ Why is he telling me this? Isn’t that a spy's most valuable asset, their anonymity? _

“Listen, Ludwig. You are...not the only one who loves... We, you and I, we tease, but it's only in jest. My real love...as well as yours...lies where we cannot cross.”

It..felt nice to know he wasn’t the only one.  _ It was just our luck that we didn’t fall for each other. Of course the only gay men on the team went for deadly enemies _ . “Can I ask who it is?” Ludwig smiled coyly at Maxine.  _ Let the teasing commence. Ah, it's good to be home. _

Maxine smirked back, taking on an air of dignity. “I suppose...you may guess.” He waved a gloved hand, granting Ludwig permission.

Ludwig chuckled. “Well, lets see...this person, you must visit them. With your invisibility, your disguises, it would be impossible to resist the urge. But, you have too much pride to have someone fall in love with a disguise, so they must know it’s really you. It must be a person that is normally alone, so you can meet in private, and have it seem normal. Am I on the right track?”

Maxine was blushing a little. “Am I really that easy to read?”

Ludwig laughed. “You are not nearly as sly as you think you are.”

“Ah, fuck you.” Maxine looked away in embarrassment. “You haven't technically guessed yet, anyway.”

“Ja, ja...putting this all together, one person is obvious. You wouldn't date your own clone…” Ludwig hesitated, giving Maxine a look. “Or would you…?”

“No! Don’t be ridiculous. “ Maxine gave Ludwig an affronted look.

“Just checking. So, it's the RED Sniper. Obvio-” Ludwig was cut off as Maxine clamped his gloved hand over Ludwig’s face. Which would have been adorable, except for the fact the Spy’s other hand was holding a knife to the Medic’s neck.

“ _ Not so loud _ !” Maxine hissed in his ear. 

“You're the one who said I could guess.” Ludwig retorted, voice muffled. 

Maxine released him, rubbing his face in embarrassment, as if he could wipe off the blush. “Oui. You're right.” He muttered. “Now, don't you dare mention it again.”

“You have my word. So…you guys actually get to...talk and stuff. Regularly. Man...I’m jealous.”

Maxine shrugged. “Oui, it's...nice. I’m..not sure what you can do about your love.”

Ludwig felt his mood darken. “I do. But...I don’t know if I can do it.”

“What are you planning?” Maxine eyed Ludwig, wary.

Ludwig’s expression was of stone. “I’m going to forget about him. I have too.”

_ Otherwise...I’m going to be torn apart. I can’t play for both teams. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maxine is another not-canon name ^-^ I don't think the Spy even has a canon name lol
> 
> Things get a little metaphor-y here...if it isn't clear, the 'room' is in Medics head. Its where he goes when he's in between life and respawning.


	9. Into the Fire

“Competition begins in sixty seconds.” The Administrators voice rang throughout the battlefield, condescending and tinny. 

Ludwig tried to keep his hands steady as he prepared his ubercharge. Switching from merc to merc, he tried to make each one at least a little overhealed.  _ Right. Just as always. Good strategy to get the whole team overhealed. Get that Uber charge ready so I can pop it right away and get that advantage. We’re pushing a payload, so...the enemy will be straight at our throats. Should I uber the Soldier, Demoman or Heavy… I guess Misha would be best. RED will likely have…  _ Ludwig's train of thought faltered. A pang of grief struck him, causing him to lower his gun.  _ Fyodor. They're going to send out Fyodor, and...I’m going to kill him. We are. I... _ Ludwig's next thoughts were quiet, even in his head.  _ I don’t want to kill him. _

A smooth French accent tickled his ear. “ _ Mon amie _ , are you alright?”

“I...ja. I...have to be.” Ludwig whispered back.

Maxine gave Ludwig a brief shoulder pat of encouragement. “I’ll try to keep Fyodor away from you. Good luck.”

Throat tightening, Ludwig managed a nod. His stomach twisted in anxiety.  _ God. I don’t want to do this. Can’t I catch a break for one day? _

The Administer’s voice echoed through the halls again. “Competition begins in ten seconds. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.” Her voice was rhythmic, steady. The counting seemed to drag on for far too long. “Three. Two. One.  _ Fight! _ ”

At the shout, Ludwigs blood seemed to rush through him. His heart was beating so fast he almost wondered if he ubercharged  _ himself _ by accident.  _ Right! The charge, who will I charge? _

His teammates streamed past him as he stood frozen in indecision. The explosion of rockets and bombs seemed to shake his world. That was when the cries began.

“Medic!” “Medic, come on man!” “MEDIC!” Louder and louder they cried. His teammates were dying. The thought wrenching Ludwig into action. Pulling the trigger, he ran to his teammates aid.

The Scout got a touch up before he ran off. _ Now for the Demo- oh wait. Shit. I’ll get him next time. Ah, there's the Heavy. If I can just- _ He couldn't. A screaming man in red was hurtling at him through the air, rockets out and baring for his feet.

Switching to his needlegun, Ludwig desperately fired shots at him. They barely seemed to do anything to the RED Soldier. The rockets seemed to slow as they approached him, getting closer and clos-”MMPH! MMPH MMMPH MMPH!” 

The Pyro was in front of him, airblasting the rockets away. Ludwig watched in surprise as the soldier was blown up by his own rockets.

“Danke my friend!” Quickly, Ludwig started healing the Pyro. “Hudda hudda!” The Pyro gave him a thumbs up. Ludwig got a wonderful idea.

“Ready to ubercharge, my friend?”

“MMPH!” The Pyro gave a little jump of excitement.  _ Hehe...this will be fun.  _ Ludwig thought darkly, enjoying what was coming.

They ran towards the enemy team, waiting, waiting... _ NOW! _

The Pyro became a shiny creature of death. Running almost aimlessly around the RED team, they kept their finger on the fire button, and just  _ went  _ for it. Crisp bodies fell, and the air was full of the smell of singed flesh and laughter. Ludwig felt himself get lost in the bloodlust, howling away with the Pyro. He was enjoying the battle, _ finally _ . He was bulletproof, invincible! He was...ow. Getting shot at again.  _ Crap.  _

“Fun’s over Pyro! Fall back.” Ludwig ducked into a nearby building, scanning for medi packs. Just as he saw one, the Pyro took it. “Are you kidding me? I can _ heal  _ you! I can't heal myself.” Ludwig complained as they ran. True, running into the RED’s territory was hardly the smartest idea, but the remains of the RED team were chasing them. Hopefully they could lose them, then double back for some sweet backburner crits.

Ludwig heard the steady groan of a gun being powered up too late. “Pyro, stop-!” It was too late. They ran around the corner.

The Pyro burst as they were mowed down by two hundred dollar bullets. At a rate of ten thousand rounds per minute, and the Pyro's lower health pool, Ludwig simply couldn't keep up.

The Pyro’s dead body started to fade, and the bullets were upon the defenseless Medic.

Ludwig crumpled to the ground, body smoking and filled with holes. His body oozed, more blood outside then inside. As he waited for the world to go dark, Ludwig noticed with confusion that it was actually becoming more clear. His body was hurting less as well. _ Was this shock? Why aren’t I dead...? _

With a gentle pop, he could hear things again. The familiar hum above him suddenly cleared things up. Someone was using his medi-gun. 

Groaning as his now-smaller-bullet-hole-filled body got up, Ludwig faced his savior. 

The steady eyes of Fyodor looked back.

“Ah...not again. Fyodor, I’m-“

“<I know you’re Ludwig.>”

Ludwig gestured to his body, now fully restored. “Then...why?”

His shoulders slumping, Fyodor passed the medi-gun back to Ludwig. “<I...didn’t want to watch you die again.>”

Ludwig shook his head, taking the gun.  _ Please...don’t do this Fyodor. Walk away.  _ “That’s ridiculous. We are enemies. I should be killing you right now, instead of talking.”

Fyodor smiled sadly. “<Are you going to, though?>”

“I mean...it’s not really feasible. I’m very outgunned. Attacking you would be suicide.”  _ If you were to fight back.  _

The Heavy sighed. “<Look. This morning I was perfectly ready to kill you. Put what happened behind us. But then...I almost  _ did _ kill you. And...I couldn’t do it. Just, your bullet filled body, it, when I looked at it I...I couldn’t. I couldn’t let you die. Not again.>”

“It would be easier for us if you did. What we’re doing right now, it’s, it’s not allowed.”  _ I can’t do this. I can’t be love-  _ friends _ with the enemy. No matter how gentle, warm, soft...god. No matter how...kind they are, I, I can’t.  _ Ludwigs voice shook as he spoke his next words, telling them to himself as much as to the Heavy. “<You need to have your loyalties straight.>”

“<I’ve never been good at being straight.>” The statement was phrased as a joke, but Fyodor wasn’t laughing. His confession was a low murmur, his eyes downcast and ashamed. He intended for Ludwig to hear it, but at the same time he really  _ didn’t _ want Ludwig to hear it.

Ludwig looked at the Heavy in confusion, then realization dawned. Softly, he said “<Oh. Oh no. Fyodor…>” Ludwig placed a trembling gloved hand on the Heavy’s shoulder. 

“<Fyodor...you need to remember that it’s not me you love. It’s the RED Medic. That night...you thought I was a different person. You don’t really want me.>”

**.**

**.**

**.**

“<But I do.>”

The whispered words were gentle. So gentle. Yet it was clear that Fyodor had to wrench them from his lips.

Ludwig backed up, away from the Heavy in shock. “W-w-what?” The Medic’s voice faltered, as did his steps.

Fyodor looked away. Shame and pain filled his gaze. “<I love you, Ludwig. I...I know. It’s quick, it’s stupid, but...I don’t love Ryker anymore. Not after...”> His voice hardened with the last few words, eyes narrowing. “<Just...you. I, I can’t hide it anymore. I’m....sorry.>”

“So am I.” A stream of blood glided past Ludwig's eyes as he slashed open Fyodor’s throat. With a quick lunge, he brought the blade downwards for another cut, sinking deep into the Heavy’s chest. With a gurgle, Fyodor died. His body immediately started to fade.

As it did, Ludwig was glad Fyodor couldn’t see him. He filled the rapidly empty space of Fyodor with tears, knees failing him and dropping him into the bloodstained dust. Sobbing, he let the bone-saw slip from his now-crimson gloves.  _ I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I had too...we’re enemies. You...won’t listen any other way.  _

As he wept, he felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Glancing up, through tear-filled eyes he saw the stoic form of the BLU Spy. Maxine avoided Ludwig’s eye, providing companionship in the only way he knew how. He stood there for a long time, wordlessly supporting the Medic as he grieved.

They lost the battle that day. In more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha w+m1 go brrrr
> 
> I'm a Pyro main and I freaking love when I get Ubered its so fun lol


	10. Looks like there's plenty of room in the closet

No one outright said anything, but Ludwig felt their gazes on him. They'd all saw him hesitate, and then vanish for the rest of the battle. There was also a noticeable absence of backstabs... Conclusions were beginning to be drawn, and the mercs weren't very good artists.

Sitting in the common room, Ludwig felt drained. He sat listlessly, avoiding their gazes, just wanting to sleep this day away.

The Soldier finally stood up. Strutting stiffly, he walked to the front of the room, and faced the rest of the mercs. 

“Men. We have lost today. That is because we have some  _ sissies  _ on our team!” Beneath his bucket, his eyes geared towards Ludwig, and then Maxine. “It seems that some of us aren't taking this war seriously! That some of us” Another sweeping glare. “Think that they have  _ better _ things to do! And by that I mean kiss boys!” Soldier grimaced, utterly disgusted by the merc's lack of dedication to war.

The Scout raised a hesitant hand. “Wait, what? You guys are kissing each other? No ones been kissing  _ me _ !”

The Sniper chuckled. “Nothing personal, mate.” 

In stunned silence, all eyes turned to the dark corner where the Sniper stood. 

“What.” The Soldier broke the silence. “You as well? Is this  _ whole  _ team full of sissies?”

The Sniper shifted his feet, uncomfortable with the attention. “I don’t think it matters mate. I’m a professional. I did my job on the battlefield today. So lay off.”

_ The Sniper is..huh. How statically improbable. Still, not complaining. Wait, so who has he been kissing? Not me...Maxine? But Maxine likes the _ RED  _ Sniper...he wouldn’t... _ would  _ he? _

Ludwig shot a questioning look at Maxine. Maxine gave a small shake of his head. 

_ Huh. Wasn’t him then. _

Maxine strood forward, sighing. “Enough of this  _ foolishness _ . Ludwig and I have been shamelessly flirting for years, and this is the first time you imbeciles have noticed?

_ Wait, what is he doing? He’s...ruining his own reputation to protect me. _

The Soldier gaped wordlessly. The Heavy chuckled. “Heavy notice. Did not say anything.”

“How  _ wonderful _ for you.” Maxine said sarcastically, lighting a cigarette. “So, oui. We cost the team the battle. Won’t happen again. Terrible sorry for the inconvenience.” With that, he strood out of the room, head high but eyes dark with anger.

The room was quiet except for the swish of the Demonman’s whisky. Finishing his swig, he muttered, “I thought he slept with our mothers?”

The Engineer chuckled, getting up and making his way out of the room. “And with our fathers as well, it seems.” As the Texan passed Ludwig, he lifted his goggles slightly to give the Medic a sly wink. 

_ Oh! I see. Odd pairing, but ja, I can see it. _

As he expected, the Sniper followed the Engineer out of the room. Ludwig got up. “I, uh..don’t have much to say. Sorry for...fucking up.” With a nod, he left the room and their stares.

Later, there was a knock at Ludwig's door. Opening it, there was no one visible. Which did not necessarily mean there was no one  _ there _ . Standing aside, he waited a few moments, then closed the door. 

Once the door was shut, Maxine decloaked. He sat down at Ludwig’s desk with a huff. Ludwig sat on his bed. They sat in silence for a moment, then Ludwig looked up. “Danke for today. I’m sorry you had to do that.”

“Ergh…” Maxine rubbed his face, gangly limbs spread over the chair haphazardly. “Ya know...gotta stick together. Don’t want th’ others to fuck ya over…”

“Spy...Maxine, are you...are you drunk?”

The Spy looked at Ludwig, gaze unfocussed but smirking. His face was flushed, as red as the wine he favored. “Maybe. Listen, I, I jus’ wanna say, uh, sorry. For putting ya in that tight spot. Fake relationship an’ all that.”

“Ja, no worries. It didn't seem like too many of them were, uh, _ pleased  _ about our ‘relationship’ so I doubt they ask for more proof.”

“Oui...ah, Ludwig, ya kno’...yer such a flirt.”

Ludwig shrugged. “Hey, you did it back. Was good fun.”

“Nonono…” With a groan Maxine sat up straighter (haha). “Right no’...your lips, they’re...you ever look at yerself?  _ Magnifique _ .”

Ludwig titled his head, apprehension in his voice. “Danke?”

“Jus’, Ludwig, why can’t we,” Suddenly the Spy was sitting next to him on the bed, leaning heavily towards him. “Ya kno’...ah. Why’d we ‘ave to go an’ love th’ RED team? It'd be so much easier if we…’chother.”

Ludwig moved a bit away from the faded Frenchman. “Max, you're drunk. Please. I’m not...I think I’m done with love for a little while. Here, let me walk you back to your room.”

“Oui. Jus’...if you were lil taller, an’...skinnier maybe…”

Ludwig chuckled in relief. “Ja, I’m sorry I can’t be your Sniper.” As he flung Max’s arm over his shoulder, he murmured. “And if you were a little beefier...softer…” Pangs of grief struck him as he thought about Fyodor’s lovely shape.  _ Oh god. I still miss him. Fuck… _

_ I don’t want to imagine what he thinks about me. _

_ He probably hates me now. _

_ I deserve it. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solly isn't homophobic, he's patriotic
> 
> Shorter chapter because I ended up writing too much so I split it into two separate chapters~ terribly sorry


	11. Ryker being an ass part 2: Electric Boogaloo

_ <He hates me. He really does. And...I completely deserve it.> _

Fyodor sat heavily on his bed, hand unconsciously rubbing where Ludwig had slashed open his throat. The respawn machine had done its job well. Fyodor almost wished it had left a scar. A physical reminder of...him. 

_ <Ludwig. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m such a fool. _

_ I can’t believe he...he killed me. He hates me. And now so does my own team. Ryker won’t even heal me anymore. _

_ I can’t stay here. I don’t belong here anymore.> _

Bed springs creaking, Fyodor got up stiffly. Determined, he walked through the halls to the phone.

Sitting in a plain black box, the phone was the only mode of communication the mercs had to the Administrator. Unless she chose to send a messenger, which wasn’t very often. Messengers sent by the Administrator often ended up...deceased. The Engineer was fond of the miniature tvs.

Carefully Fyodor spun the wheel. The phone had barely begun to ring before she answered it.

“Yes?” Her voice was angry, as always.

“Is Heavy. Would like to make request.”

“...Is this about the weapon competition? I’m sorry, but the Pyro won. You’ll get updated weapons eventually, just be patient.”

< _ It's been four years. _ > “No...Is not about that. Heavy...would like to leave team.”

“...”

“Ma’am?”

“I’m sending a person to come pick you up. Pack your things.”

“Thank you ma’am.”

The only response from the Administrator was a small click as she hung up. 

Fyodor sighed in relief. There were other jobs...what mattered was getting away from here. Sure, he would miss the team, and the fighting, but the environment had just gotten so painful, emotionally. And Fyodor wasn’t equipped properly to deal with it. 

“Why the fuck are you leaving?”

Turning, Fyodor met the angry glare of Ryker. His Medic... _ former _ Medic had a dangerous look in his eyes.

Fyodor tried to remain as calm as possible. The mere sight of Ryker set his teeth on edge, and created a dark pit in his stomach. If pushed. Fyodor would quickly descend into rage. This man had berated him, purposely let him die by withholding heals, and...most importantly, he had killed Ludwig, and _ desecrated _ his corpse. Fyodor's love for Ludwig was mirrored with a deep hate for this...vile creature. < _ Ryker is a disgusting being. I can’t believe I once loved him...It only took one night with Ludwig to see how terribly Ryker has been treating me.> _

“Why do you think? Doktor will not heal Heavy.”

“For  _ one  _ fight! That we won, anyway! What,  _ that's _ enough to push you over? To just pack up and leave, abandon your teammates?” Ryker snapped, gloved hands clenched in tight fists much smaller than Fyodor's own.

“Yes. Heavy has had enough of this place. And the ‘teammates’.”

“You're being fucking stupid. I bet you’re just  _ ashamed _ about that stupid mistake you made, so you’re running away. How pathetic. Don’t be a fucking  _ baby _ Fyodor. Man up and move on.”

Fyodor's voice was low but powerful. “Seems like Doktor is baby. Petty. Doesn’t matter. Heavy is leaving.”

“LIKE HELL YOU ARE!” Ludwig was pressed against Fyodor, gloves hands gripping his shirt. Pulling himself face to face with the Heavy, Ryker spat “Youre staying fucking here, you here me? You can’t leave. You're  _ clearly  _ not thinking straight.”

“Release Heavy. Now.”

Fyodor's eyes must have hinted at his violent intent, because Ryker quickly let go. Fyodor started to walk away. 

Rykers cries became shriller, pleading and desperation replacing the anger. “Look, please stay! I’m sorry for not healing you! You can't just abandon us!  _ Me _ , don’t leave me. Please, I’ll do anything to make it up with you. I’m sorry! You want to have sex? I’ll fucking do it!” Rkyers voice got louder and louder as he pleaded, chasing after Fyodor. “Just fucking stay! Thats what you fucking want, isnt it? To _ fuck _ me?”

“What Heavy wants” Fyodor felt bile rise in his throat in disgust. Rkyer truly was  _ slime.  _ “Is to leave.” 

“I’m sorry! I know I've been unfair to you, but I’ll change! I’ll fucking change, I promise! Just, don’t leave. Please. Fyodor, think of all the good times we’ve had!”

As Fyodor silently turned the corner, Ryker let out one last wail. “YOU LOVED ME!”

_ <I wish I didn’t.  _

_ What a sick man. He's so cruel...says he hates me but won’t let me go.  _

_ Pathetic.> _

Even as Fyoidor thought those words, his heart ached. He loved Ludwig...or did he? He hardly knew him. How long has he been pining for Ryker, desperate wishing for the night Ludwig gave him? 

_ <When he agreed to drink with me...and even suggested my room...I thought my pining was finally repaid. That Ryker was finally...that my hopes were not in vain. I guess… _

_ Ludwig is so different from Ryker. He's so much...warmer. Kind. Honest. And I...Even if I don’t know him right now, I want to! I want to know him better!> _

Tears peaked at the edges of Fyodor's eyes. Whether they were tears of frustration, regret of grief, Fyodor didn’t know. Hiding in his room, he let them out softly.

_ <I’m never going to see Ludwig again.  _

_ He hates me, anyway. _

_ And I deserve it. _

_ I killed him, too.> _

\----------------------------------------------------

Ludwig was in the room again. The curtains were...well, they weren’t acceptable by any means, but they were better than last time.

“Aren’t you going to leave?” His reflection peered down at him.

Lying on the cold floor, Ludwig shut his eyes. “Eventually. I just want to rest, for a bit.”

“There's a battle.”

“I know.”

“You're failing your teammates again.”

“I know.”

His reflection fell silent. Eventually, Ludwig spoke again. “Fyodor is gone.”

“I know.” His reflection mirrored back. (haha)

“He's gone. He wasn’t there, in any of our recent battles. He's left.”

“This upsets you?”

“Ja.”

His reflection sighed. “Ludwig, it's time to wake up.”

“What's the point? It's peaceful here. I don’t...need to think about him here.”

“Ludwig. Listen. They are calling.”

“Let them.”

“Ludwig.” His reflection's voice got louder and louder, drilling into Ludwig’s ears. “ _ Ludwig _ .” 

As he curled into a ball, trying to hide from the noise, his vision started to go white. “Nooo…” Ludwig moaned, opening his eyes back to the respawn room. 

Standing there defeated, Ludwig flinched as Maxine respawned next to him. The Spy brushed off his suit, then looked at Ludwig in annoyance. “See you've decided to finally join us. Come on.”

Looking listlessly at the Spy, Ludwig sighed. “Must I?...I just want to rest. I…”

“ _ Ludwig _ .” Max’s voice had gone soft. He looked at the Medic, pain in his eyes. “I know it's hard, accepting that Fyodor is gone. But, you have a duty to do. You need to...move on. I’m sorry, it's cruel to say so, but…”

“I know...Max, thank you. It's...I’m going to try.”

_ I’m not. I don’t want to ever move on. Its silly, its stupid, its irrational, but...I want him. Fyodor...I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heavy update when
> 
> pls valve its been 4 years
> 
> If you're confused by the admins messenger reference read the "Meet The Director" comic on the TF2 website or check the wiki~


	12. Together

Smoke. Bullets. Shouting. Blood. The familiar assault on the senses. Ludwig's feet dragged as he tried to keep up with the Soldier. Stumbling, a bullet grazed his cheek. The hot splatter of blood and pain only added to the jumbled mess. There was a deep fog in his head, almost as deep as the shadows under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping well. Fuck, he hadn’t been  _ living _ well. Ludwig felt barely functional. Not even bothering to try anymore, he turned and faced his death. Recently, he'd been dying a lot more. It was nice. The only time he got to rest. Who would kill him this time…

Tired eyes looked at the most beautiful man in existence. The world seemed to slow as Ludwig looked into Fyodor's eyes. He barely had a chance to breathe before he was torn apart by hot lead, but for the first time in weeks Ludwig died happy.

He didn't even bother looking at the curtains this time. Joyful feet went straight out the door and into the white. 

_ He's back! Fyodor's back! _ Ludwig's thoughts sang in pure bliss. It didn’t matter that he had killed him. It didn't  _ matter _ . He was _ back _ , there was a chance to fix things. 

_ Or was there? _ Ludwig sighed as he respawned again. His attempts to speak with Fyodor had been met with a steady glare and firing of bullets.  _ He won’t talk to me. He looks...right through me. Is he that mad? _

_ Whatever. I need to keep trying. _

Sneaking through the winding buildings, Ludwig heard the familiar sound of a sandvich being eaten. _ Yes! This is my chance! _

“Fyodor!” Ludwig burst out of his hidden alcove, arms high in surrender. “Please, let me talk to you.”

The RED Heavy dropped the sandvich and readied his gun. Dark eyes narrowed. “You. Again. Doktor have death wish?”

“No. Fyodor please, I’m sorry. For killing you, for getting you in trouble, everything. Please...I want to see you again. I...I love you. I’m sorry I never told you.”

The RED Heavy looked at Ludwig, baffled. Slowly, he said, “What? Who are you? Doktor is confused. Heavy...has not spoken to Doktor before now.”

“What? Fyodor, what do you mean...oh.” Ludwig felt his heart drop and shatter as he realized what had happened.  _ He's another clone. So the teams remain even. _

_ My Fyodor really is gone. _

“I…” To Ludwig's horror, he was crying. In front of this RED Heavy. Who wasn’t Fyodor. More and more spears of pain seemed to strike him as he sobbed. Then he died. 

This new Heavy had no interest in the enemy Medic. Especially when he was a crying baby.

Ludwig sat in the resupply room for the rest of the battle. Not crying, not thinking. Just...numb.

“Ludwig...the battles over. You can go rest now.”

Ludwig didn't look up. Didn’t respond to Max’s gentle words.

“Hey...I’m sorry. Maybe one day, Fyodor-”   
  


“He’s not Fyodor.”

“...Oh. Ludwig, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m a fool. I should have realized they would replace him. The teams must remain balanced.”

Maxine was quiet. The room began to smell of cigarettes.

Grumbling, Ludwig got up. “You're an asshole.”

Maxine smiled behind his stick of lung cancer. Trying not to breath, Ludwig was chased from the room by the smoke.

_ Fucking ass. He knows how much I hate cigarette smoke...He did it on purpose to get me up. Fucking hell… _

Opening his room’s door, Ludwig sighed. He truly was miserable. Fyodor was gone. Replaced. Sitting on his bed. What?

Ludwig stood in shock, gaping at the figure on his bed. Dressed in a grey t-shirt, unarmed, was a Heavy. Fyodor. 

“<Hello, Ludwig.>” Fyodor smiled hesitantly. His large fingers fidgeted in his lap.

“Fyodor-” was all Ludwig managed to choke out before he was hugging the Heavy, as tightly as he could. He was afraid if he let go, this wouldn't be real. 

Fyodor hugged back, large arms enveloping Ludwig's shaking body. When they finally broke apart, Ludwig's eyes were full of unshed tears, and his face hurt because of how widely he was smiling. Tenderly, he stroked Fyodor's cheek. “Fyodor..” He whispered. “Is it really you?”

Fyodor grinned back, voice husky. “<Yes. It's me, Ludwig. I take it...you don’t hate me?>”

“No! No no no…” Ludwig curled into Fyodor’s arms, pressing against his soft chest. Looking into his beautiful blue eyes, Ludwig leaned close. “I love you Fyodor. I should have told you ages ago. When you disappeared....only then did I realize how wrong I was. I should have never killed you. I’m so sorry.”

“<I’m sorry too. For everything I’ve put you through. Ludwig...I said I loved you before, and that has not changed. Leaving you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done...and I will never do it again.>” Leaning forward, Fyodor closed the gap between their lips. They kissed, slowly, savoring it. 

Ludwig had been in hell before, but he'd never visited heaven. And this was it. Sitting in his love's lap, after believing he would never see him again, embracing finally. If only this moment could last forever. Alas, they had to breathe eventually.

Breaking apart, gasping a little, Ludwig rested his head on Fyodor's shoulder. It was the most comfortable thing he'd ever felt.

“Fyodor…” Ludwig whispered. “How did you get here? Can you...stay?”

“<Yes, Doktor. I can stay. I am a gift.>”

Ludwig looked up at Fyodor in confusion. “A gift?”

Fyodor smiled. “<From the Administrator. At my recommendation.>”

“So...you’re...mine?”

“<Forever and ever, my dear. No more opposite teams, no more enemies. I’m a civilian now.>”

“That's...amazing. Fyodor...I thought I would never see you again.”

“<I thought the same. It's nice to be proven wrong, isn't it?>”

“Yea...it is. So, uh, do you like our room?”

Fyodor's smile widened at the use of ‘our.’ “<Indeed I do. Especially the curtains.>”

“You can see the colour?”

Fyodor laughed. “<No, but I like the shade. It's a soft shade. It reminds me of you.>”

“Ya know…” Ludwig snuggled closer to Fyodor sleepily. It had been a long day. “I think I like them too.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnd its over! wow!
> 
> For the longest time I wasn't sure if I should make the ending happy or sad, so I put up a poll on my insta and they choose happy, for which I'm glad! I really hoped you enjoyed my little story ^-^

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for so much for reading!
> 
> If you're interested in TF2 digital art, I also have an Instagram account called @tposing_sniper ^-^


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